


in case you don't live forever

by suttonbrady



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Confessions, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 23:23:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20182438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suttonbrady/pseuds/suttonbrady
Summary: Josephine is gone and Bellamy realizes there are some things he wants to say to Clarke before she possibly dies again.





	in case you don't live forever

The knock on her door is gentle, so as not to wake her if she is already asleep, but loud enough for her not to miss it. Clarke has a feeling who it is, or maybe it's just hopefulness. She really wants to see his face right now.

She jumps up from her bed and swings the door open only to find Bellamy standing in the hallway. Relief washes over his face when he sees her, like he was scared she'd be asleep.

„Hi“, Clarke breathes.

„Hey.“

They stand there in silence for a few seconds until Clarke opens the door wider to signalize him he's allowed to come in. He nods a thank you as he steps into her room and it makes her feel weird how formal they are being. She wishes nothing more than to get rid of this terrible awkwardness that's been between them ever since he came back to the ground. She's not sure what the reason for it is. Maybe it's that she's even more scared of her feelings for him since she found out he's with Echo.

It's not like she ever thought there was a chance for them. She knows Bellamy doesn't love her as she loves him, but seeing him with Echo forces her to face that fact every single day. And that just makes it so much harder.

„I'm sorry if I woke you up“, Bellamy says.

„You didn't.“

„Good.“

Then they're in silence again, but not the good kind. The kind that's caused by too many things unsaid, that neither dares to say out loud.

„I couldn't sleep“, he says quietly. „I figured you might not either.“

Clarke just nods. She tried all night to fall asleep but too many thoughts were running through her head. And on top of that, she's scared of Josephine somehow gaining control of her body again if she does. She knows that her fear is irrational, Josephine is gone, but she just can't help it.

Having Bellamy here makes it better. If he could lie with her then she'd be able to fall asleep, she thinks. But Echo is the only one he lies with at night. The thought makes her heart hurt.

It's hard to look at him sometimes. Or all the time. Whenever he's near her, she wants to pull him close. She wants to hug him and to kiss him, on his lips and all over. She feels her heart almost burst every time she looks at him. She never thought it was possible to love someone so much.

Clarke sits down on her bed and Bellamy follows her. He knows it's okay because they used to sit on each other's beds and just talk for hours in Arkadia. Until everything happened.

„How do you feel?“, Bellamy asks then. „After Josephine, I mean.“ She thinks about what to reply for a minute. „Weird“, she says eventually. „Kind of...disconnected from my body, I guess.“

Bellamy just nods in understanding.

„It feels like everything is unfamiliar.“

When she says that, Bellamy reaches for her hand. His hand is cold and she jumps a little at the touch but then she grabs it tightly so he doesn't let go.

„Does that feel a little familiar, at least?“

Clarke nods. Feeling Bellamy's hand in hers makes her feel better. More connected to herself. Not entirely, but it's a start.

„It makes it better“, she says.

At her words, he takes her other hand too. Then they just sit there for a while, but it doesn't feel as weird this time.

„What about you?“, Clarke asks after a few minutes have passed. „How do you feel?“

„I'm fine“, Bellamy replies just a little too quickly for the truth.

„Bellamy, I know there's a reason you aren't asleep this late“, she says and then repeats: „How do you feel?“

Bellamy lets out a sigh, knowing he won't get away with anything but the truth when it comes to Clarke.

„I'm scared.“

The confession catches her by surprise. She knows he is, it's impossible not to be after everything that's happened to them. But she's never heard him admit it out loud.

„Of what?“

He looks up at her and for a second she thinks she can see tears in his eyes. „I'm scared you're going to die again“, he says quietly. „And that next time I won't get you back.“

She knows that her death hurt him but she never thought it would affect him quite this much.

„Bellamy-“

„No, I'm not done“, he interrupts her and takes a deep breath before he continues talking. „You know how when you lose somebody, you regret leaving things unsaid?“

He knows she does. She left things unsaid with her father. With Wells. With Finn and Lexa, everyone she's lost. And she wants nothing more than to go back and tell them everything she couldn't.

„When you died“, Bellamy continues. „I spent six years regretting not telling you so many things. And I kept thinking...I kept begging the universe that if I could just get one more chance, one more chance to say all that to you, I would.“

A small smile forms on his lips, but it looks more sad than happy.

„And then I got you back.“

She remembers the feeling in her chest when she saw him again after all that time. How she thought she was hallucinating at first because she couldn't believe he was truly there. It must have been even worse for him.

„I got that second chance“, he says. „I got that second chance I begged the universe for, but the thing is, when you actually get that chance, you can't do it. Because fear is just as strong and scary as regret. And so I left everything unsaid. Again. Because I was scared.“

He grabs Clarke's hand more tightly and pulls her a little closer to him.

„And Clarke...I don't want to be scared anymore.“

She's not quite sure where he's going with this so she just lets him keep talking.

„I got you back and then you died again and I was faced with the same regret as after Praimfaya. And I begged for a _third_ chance and I almost got it and then when your heart stopped right in front of me...“ Bellamy pauses. „I knew that if I could get you back, I couldn't leave anything unsaid to you ever again.“

„Bell, what are you talking about?“, she asks gently and he's silent for a few seconds. 

„Clarke...I know that this might ruin something. That it might make things...weird. But you're going to die again, one day. Maybe it will be soon or maybe it won't be. But when you do, I need you to know.“

„Wha-“

„I love you.“

Clarke looks at him in shock, the surprise written all over her face. But she doesn't want to let herself think what she wants to just yet. Of course he loves her. She's always known that. Maybe that's all he means by it. The same love he loves all his friends with.

So she just says: „I love you, too“ and pretends it doesn't hurt to say it without him understanding the full meaning.

„No“, Bellamy whispers and takes another deep breath, preparing himself for what he's about to say next. „I'm _in_ love with you.“

She's not sure how long she just stares at him, the words repeating themselves in her head over and over and over again.

_I'm in love with you._

Bellamy smiles at her but a tear runs down his cheek. He looks relieved the words are finally out. So relieved there's barely any space left for the fear of her reaction.

She wants to tell him he doesn't need to be scared anymore, that she's in love with him, too, but she can't get out a single word. And so she pulls her hand away from his, puts it on his cheek and draws his face to hers.

When their lips meet, Bellamy makes a quiet noise of surprise but it quickly turns into almost a whimper. Clarke is pretty sure she does the same. His lips are warm on hers and her chest feels like it's going to burst open from joy. She's waited for this for such a long time. She can't remember what if feels like to not be consumed by all the love she feels for him.

They're both crying then and she's not sure how long they sit there for, just kissing and kissing. All she knows is she never wants to stop.

Eventually, they do pull apart, breathing heavily as they look into each other's eyes.

„Just so you know“, Clarke chokes out, trying to catch her breath. „I'm in love with you, too.“

Bellamy smiles again, the brightest smile she's ever seen on his face, and pulls her face back to his. She wants to kiss him again more than anything but then a thought crosses her mind that makes her stop.

„What about Echo?“

„We're not together anymore“, Bellamy replies. „I wouldn't have come here if we were. I promise.“

Now Clarke is smiling too and then she kisses him again and instead of crying they're both laughing this time and she doesn't think she's ever felt this happy in her life.

While they're kissing, she almost forgets about Josephine, and she almost feels like her body belongs to herself again. Even though they've never kissed before, it feels more familiar than anything she's felt since then. It feels like coming home.

He stays with her that night and she falls asleep in his arms and she doesn't feel scared anymore. And even though she doesn't ask him, she knows that he doesn't either. And she thinks if she died again right now, for the first time she'd die happy.

**Author's Note:**

> comments keep me motivated!


End file.
